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Naps: Make the most of them and know when to stop them

During the first year of life, naps are crucial for babies (who simply cannot stay awake for more than a couple of hours at a time), and crucial for parents and caregivers, who need breaks from the hard work of caring for an infant.

But as children become toddlers and preschoolers, naps aren’t always straightforward. Children often fight them (following the “you snooze you lose” philosophy), and they can conflict with daily tasks (such as school pick-up when there are older siblings) or lead to late bedtimes.

Here are some tips for making naps work for you and your child — and for knowing when they aren’t needed anymore.

Making naps work for your baby

Most infants will take at least two naps during the day, and early in toddlerhood most children will still take both a morning nap and an afternoon nap. Naps are important not just for physical rest and better moods, but also for learning: sleep allows us to consolidate new information. As children get older, they usually drop one of the naps, most commonly the morning nap.

Every child is different when it comes to napping. Some need long naps, some do fine with catnaps, some will give up naps earlier than others. Even within the same family, children can be different. A big part of making naps work is listening to and learning about your child’s temperament and needs. Otherwise, you can end up fighting losing battles.

The needs of a parent or caregiver are also important: everyone needs a break. Sometimes those breaks are particularly useful at specific times of the day (like meal prep time). While you can’t always make a child be sleepy at the most convenient time for you, it’s worth a try — which leads me to the first tip:

Schedule the naps. Instead of waiting for a child to literally drop and fall asleep, have a regular naptime. We all do better when our sleep routines are regular, even adults. If you can, put the child down awake (or partially awake). Learning to fall asleep without a bottle or a breast, or without being held, is a helpful skill for children to learn and can lead to better sleep habits as they grow.

A couple of scheduling notes:

  • If you need a child to fall asleep earlier or later than they seem to do naturally, try to adjust the previous sleep time. For example, if you need an earlier morning nap, wake the child up earlier in the morning. It may not work, but it’s worth a try.
  • Naps later in the afternoon often mean that a child won’t be sleepy until later in the evening. That may not be a problem, but for parents who get tired early or need to get up early, it can be. Try to move the nap earlier, or wake the child earlier. If the problematic afternoon nap is in daycare, talk to the daycare provider about moving or shortening it.

Create a space that’s conducive to sleep. Some children can sleep anywhere and through anything, but most do best with a space that is quiet and dark. A white noise machine (or even just a fan) can also be helpful.

Don’t use screens before naptime or bedtime. The blue light emitted by computers, tablets, and phones can wake up the brain and make it harder for children to fall asleep.

When is it time to give up naps?

Most children give up naps between the ages of 3 and 5. If a child can stay up and be pleasant and engaged throughout the afternoon, they are likely ready to stop. Some crankiness in the late afternoon and early evening is okay; you can always just get them to bed earlier.

One way to figure it out, and ease the transition, is to keep having “quiet time” in the afternoon. Have the child go to bed, but don’t insist on sleep; let them look at books or play quietly. If they stay awake, that’s a sign that they are ready to stop. If they fall asleep but then end up staying up very late, that’s another sign that the afternoon nap needs to go.

Whether or not your child naps, having some quiet time without screens every afternoon is a good habit to get into. It gives your child and everyone else a chance to relax and unwind, and sets a placeholder not just for homework but also for general downtime as children grow — and just like naps for babies, downtime for big kids is crucial.

Follow me on Twitter @drClaire

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Masks save lives: Here’s what you need to know

Surging COVID-19 rates throughout the country and in many parts of the world make our efforts to protect ourselves and others more important than ever. Layers of protection offer the best defense against COVID-19, starting with vaccines and boosters for everyone eligible.

Vaccinated and boosted people are far better protected against severe disease, hospitalizations, and death. But everyone — even vaccinated people — may spread infection with a highly contagious variant like Omicron if they get it. In places where vaccination rates are low or COVID cases are rising, experts estimate we can save thousands of lives and help control the pandemic if we all commit to following mask guidelines and other standard preventive measures.

Why do we believe masks work?

An expanding body of evidence supports the benefits of medical and nonmedical masks. Some of the strongest evidence includes these reviews (here and here) and observational studies (here, here, here, and here), which found that mask-wearing leads to lower rates of infection. And this impressive graphic display from the New York Times shows how masks help trap larger respiratory droplets and some of the smaller particles known as aerosols.

Mask-wearing helps protect against illness from viruses that travel through the air — not just COVID-19, but also colds and flu. Some people worry that masks trap carbon dioxide (CO2) or limit the amount of oxygen you inhale, but that’s not true. As you breathe out in a mask, C02 escapes; as you breathe in, you receive oxygen.

No single study is perfect or definitive; in fact, such studies would be impossible to perform. But there is a lot going for mask-wearing, and little or no evidence that wearing a mask causes harm.

Which type of mask is best?

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) recommends wearing the most protective mask you can find.

Consistently wearing masks designed to filter out very small particles offers the best protection against highly contagious variants, such as Omicron. Examples include

  • N95 masks approved by the National Institute for Occupational Safety and Health (NIOSH)
  • KN95 masks, which are certified in China and not approved by NIOSH, but have similar effectiveness as N95 masks.

Unfortunately, counterfeit N95 and KN95 masks have become common. The CDC offers useful information on ways to spot counterfeit masks.

Surgical masks are helpful, but less protective, partly because they do not fit snugly. Some experts suggest double-masking if you’re using surgical or cloth masks.

What about tightly woven cloth masks with a wire bridge and at least two layers of washable, breathable fabric that completely cover the nose and mouth? These masks can be comfortable but offer less protection than N95 and KN95 masks.

Gaiters and bandanas may offer little protection and aren’t generally the first choice, because they were not designed to provide tight facial coverage and may have only one layer. Masks with vents or valves are also discouraged, as virus particles can more easily escape through them.

Where are we still seeking answers?

Here are a few of the most common and important questions for which we don’t have great answers just yet.

  • Does wearing a mask protect others, the wearer, or both? A mask helps keep the wearer from spreading airborne viruses while breathing, speaking, or coughing. Current evidence suggests that the person wearing a mask also reaps benefits, although the greatest benefit occurs when everyone wears a mask. In places where COVID-19 cases are substantial or high (see maps), wearing a mask in public indoors may help protect you and prevent spread to others. Remember, not all children are eligible for vaccines and boosters, and anyone whose immune system is compromised by illness or treatments needs to be protected from COVID-19.
  • Do masks reduce the severity of infection? Because masks can reduce the "dose" of virus exposure, and because a lower amount of exposure might cause less severe infection, some have suggested that universal mask wearing might induce immunity with less lethal infections. This remains controversial and unproven, however, and should not be assumed to be true.
  • Is it necessary to wear a mask outdoors? That depends on the situation. If you’re going for a walk outdoors and no one is around, wearing a mask is unnecessary. On the other hand, if you’re in close contact with people outdoors in a setting where keeping a distance isn't possible, wearing a mask is strongly encouraged. And of course, you should follow local health regulations and mandates.

Mask dos and don’ts

Masks work well only if worn consistently and correctly.

  • A mask should fit snugly over your nose and mouth, with no gaps at the edges of the mask.
  • The more comfortable a mask is, the more likely you are to wear it. Try a few styles to see which ones fit and feel best.
  • Avoid the "exposed nose," the "chin diaper," the "dangling earring," and other creative approaches that keep the mask from fully covering your nose and mouth.
  • When removing a mask, touch only the loops or ties that hold it on, and fold together the outside corners before disposing of it or washing it if it’s a fabric mask. Then wash your hands well.

The CDC offers advice for

  • snugly wearing masks if you have a beard
  • children or people with certain disabilities who may find it hard to wear a mask
  • washing and storing reusable masks.

The bottom line

The best available evidence shows that mask-wearing can help reduce spread of COVID-19 infections, keep waves of serious illness from overburdening our hospitals, and save lives — possibly even yours.

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Navigating a chronic illness during the holidays

As a doctor, I am constantly advising my patients to prioritize their own mental and physical health. Get adequate sleep. Eat healthy. Learn how to say no so you don’t collapse from exhaustion. Love and care for yourself like you do others.

I talk the talk but don’t always walk the walk — even though I know, both intellectually and physically, that self-care is critical to my well-being. When I am run down, my MS symptoms cry out for attention: left leg weakness and numbness, subtle vertigo, a distinct buzzing in my brain like a relentless mosquito that won’t go away no matter how many times I twitch and shake my head. I have become frighteningly good at ignoring these symptoms, boxing them up and pushing them away. Often, I can muscle through; other times it just hurts.

Recently, a friend challenged me to think about my relationship with my illness, to describe MS as a character in my story. This was a useful exercise. I conjured up an image of a stern teacher. She is frighteningly blunt and lets me know, loud and clear, when I disappoint her. She can be mean and scary, and I don’t really like her. But I must admit she is usually right. Still, I often defiantly dismiss her, even when part of me knows this is not in my best interest.

This holiday season, I wanted to do better. I needed to do better. So, as Thanksgiving approached, as I prepared to host 16 family members, many for multiple days, I paused to ask myself, What does MS have to teach me about self-care? I don’t like having this disease, but I do. I can’t change my reality, so I might as well benefit from the lessons MS is forcing on me. I believe they are relevant to all of us, whether we live with chronic illness or not, so I’ll share them here.

The first steps: Listen and observe

When my MS symptoms flare, it’s a message that I am tired, overextended, and stressed. I need to rest. I don’t always listen right away, but eventually I am forced to, and when I listen, I feel better. All of us can benefit from slowing down and tuning in to our physical selves. What sensations are you experiencing in your body, and what does this tell you about your underlying feelings and state of mind? Yes, we should heed our thoughts, but tuning in to our bodies takes us deeper, to feelings that might be hidden, secrets we might not want to acknowledge, a physical truth. If you don’t have a chronic illness, the messages might be more subtle — a vague tightness in your chest, a quick catch in your breath, a barely noticeable tremor in your hands — but they exist, and they signal stress.

The science is clear: the body’s stress response — though potentially lifesaving in a true emergency, when “fight or flight” is essential to survival — can be toxic in our everyday lives. Stress triggers our sympathetic nervous system to kick into overdrive in response to a perceived threat, releasing hormones such as cortisol and inflammatory molecules that, when produced in excess, fuel disease. Conversely, we know that pausing to take notice and interrupting this negative cycle of stress is beneficial. It can be as simple as breathing deeply and counting to 10. Our bodies know what’s up and let us know when we need to take care of ourselves. We must pay attention.

You are not responsible for everyone and everything

The holidays, essentially from mid-November through the end of the year, are a stress test we create for ourselves. The land mines are everywhere: more food, more drinking, more family dynamics, more unfamiliar (or overly familiar) surroundings. Personally, with my overinflated sense of responsibility, I experience a kind of dizzying performance anxiety every holiday season. I believe it is my job to make sure everyone present has a positive experience. For better or worse, I am someone who notices and feels the personal and interpersonal dynamics in a room. I sense and absorb even the most subtle discomfort, frustration, anger, shame, and insecurity, alongside the more upbeat emotions. Importantly, I also I feel the need to step in and make things better, to prop everyone up. It’s exhausting. But MS reminds me of how absurd, and even egotistical, this is. In truth, I can’t possibly care for everyone. Neither can you.

It helps to check our automatic thoughts. More than once on Thanksgiving Day, as the busy kitchen buzzed with activity and conversation, I intentionally stepped back and watched, reminding myself that I didn’t have to hold the whole thing up. Even though I inevitably slipped back into hyper-responsibility mode, these moments of self-awareness impacted my behavior and the dynamic in the room.

It’s okay to say what you need

To take full responsibility for my own well-being, I need to speak honestly and act with integrity. This means asking for what I need, clearly and without apology. Historically, I have been terrible at this in my personal life, burying my own needs in the name of taking care of everyone else’s, even rejecting clear offers of help. “I’m good, I’ve got it,” I might say, while simultaneously feeling bitter and resentful for having to do it all myself. This lack of clarity isn’t fair to anyone. MS reminds me that I need to do better.

This year, when my guests asked me what they could bring, I took them at their word and made specific requests instead of assuring everyone that I had it covered. When my mother started banging around in the kitchen at 7 a.m. with her endearing but chaotic energy, asking for this and that pot and kitchen utensil so she could start cooking, I told her I needed to sit down and have a cup of coffee first. She would need to wait or find things herself. She was okay with that. Family dynamics can be entrenched and hard to change, but clear communication can set new ways of being into motion, one baby step at a time.

I still have a lot to learn, but I am making stuttering progress, learning to listen to my body and honor my needs while also caring for those I love, or at least trying. Undeniably, I experienced some post-Thanksgiving fatigue, exacerbated by my daughter’s early-morning hockey game the next day, requiring a 4:30 a.m. departure. I felt it in my body — the familiar leg weakness, vertigo, and brain cobwebs — and, completely uncharacteristically, I took a nap.

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Pandemic challenges may affect babies — possibly in long-lasting ways

The COVID-19 pandemic has been hard on so many people in so many ways. For babies born during this pandemic, a study published in JAMA Pediatrics suggests that the damage has potential to be lifelong.

The first three years of life are crucial for brain development. And it’s not just the health of babies that matters, but the interactions between babies and their caregivers. Babies need to be touched, held, spoken to, smiled at, played with. As they receive and respond to those interactions, in a “serve and return” kind of way, neural connections are built in the brain. When babies don’t have those interactions, or enough of them, their brains don’t develop as they should — and can even be literally smaller.

When you are a stressed or depressed parent or caregiver, it can be hard to find the time, let alone the energy or interest, to talk to and play with your infant. There are multiple studies showing that maternal depression, poverty, and other family stressors can change the development of a child forever.

How was the study done?

In this study, part of an ongoing study of mothers and babies, researchers from Columbia University looked at the development of three groups of 6-month-old babies. Two of the groups were born during the COVID-19 pandemic; the mothers of one group had COVID-19, while the mothers of the other did not. The third group was a historical cohort (a group of babies who were born before the pandemic).

Mothers participating in the study used an Ages and Stages Questionnaire (ASQ-3) to record their babies’ development. The researchers noted no difference in the development of the two groups of babies born during the pandemic, suggesting that prenatal exposure to COVID-19 doesn’t affect development, which is great news. But the babies born during the pandemic scored lower in gross motor, fine motor, and social-emotional development than the babies born before the pandemic. Examples of developmental tasks for infants this age are rolling from back to tummy (gross motor), reaching for or grasping a toy with both hands (fine motor), and acting differently to strangers than to parents or familiar people (social-emotional development).

What does it suggest about infant development during the pandemic?

It’s just one study, and we need to do more research to better understand this, but the findings are not really surprising given what we know about infant development. The COVID-19 pandemic has caused a lot of stress — emotional, financial, and otherwise — for so many families. It has also markedly affected the number and kind of interactions we have with other people. Babies are on average interacting with fewer people (and seeing fewer faces because of masking) than they did before the pandemic.

Even though we need to do more research, this study should serve as an alarm bell for us as a society. The children of this pandemic may carry some scars forever if we don’t act now. We’ve been seeing the emotional and educational effects on children; we need to be aware of the developmental effects on babies, too. All of these could permanently change their lives.

What can we do to address these challenges?

We need to find ways to support families with young children, financially and emotionally. We need to be energetic and creative, and work every angle we can. While our government should play a role, communities and individuals can help too.

We need to refer families to and fund early intervention programs around the country that support the development of children from birth to 3 years of age. Because of the pandemic, many of these programs have moved to virtual visits, which can make them less effective. So we need to get creative here, too. We can’t just wait for the pandemic to be over.

And parents and caregivers of infants and toddlers need to know about this research — and ask for help. It’s understandable and natural for parents to think that babies are too small and unaware to be affected by the pandemic. But they are affected, in ways that could be long-lasting. Talk to your doctor about what you can do to help yourself, your family, and your baby’s future.

Follow me on Twitter @drClaire